It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
