Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize