If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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