i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
