problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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