Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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