we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
