Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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