2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
