and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
