I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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