we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
