I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
