If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
