I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
