shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
