Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
