I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
being pregnant is like rehab
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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