Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
