what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
