he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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