Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
