Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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