yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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