Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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