Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
