Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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