how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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