so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
