i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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