I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
