Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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