Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
