Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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