Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
