I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
