What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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