More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
