Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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