i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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