Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Is it because I queefed?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
