I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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