You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
