More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize