soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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