she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
