haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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