Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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