This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
