Pappa wants mamma naked
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
