Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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