I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize