fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
