someone get that fucking seahorse.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
