He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
