Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize