Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
