this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
