Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize