The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
