I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
