this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
