Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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