No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
