Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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