I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
