I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
