That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
