she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
