Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
