I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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