Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize