I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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